Ashton Kutcher will replace Charlie Sheen

U.S. consumer prices rose a seasonally adjusted 0.4 percent from March, the Labor Department said Friday. U.S. stock futures were higher on the news, which seemed to sugest that inflation will — blah, blah, blah, and so on and so forth.

The biggest breaking business news story of the day is that Ashton Kutcher will replace Charlie Sheen on the hit CBS comedy "Two and Half Men."

The announcment was, naturally, Tweeted by Kutcher.

It follows weeks of speculation and breathless maneuvering by some of Hollywood's biggest players, which reportedly included John Stamos and Hugh Grant (negotiations with the British star broke down).

Kutcher, who all economists and market watchers of course know, is married to Demi Moore.

And unless you've been living under a rock this year or paying too much attention to protests in the Middle East or the death of Osama bin Laden, please recall that Charlie Sheen left the hit CBS show in a tizzy over pay. His subsequent behavior baffled the world, and provoked endless commentary — some of which was even pretty good.

Kutcher will be earning less than Sheen's $2.5 million per episode, according to the Hollywood Reporter and the New York Post.  The producer of Two and a Half Men, Chuck Lorre, is "really happy" that Kutcher is set to come aboard, another source told the Hollywood Reporter.

There has been no comment yet from Sheen.

Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.