Kim Jong-un forces aides to walk through his own mind

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According to reports in Rodong Sinmun, the official paper of North Korea’s ruling party, Kim Jong-un invited his top aides to a mandatory tour of his own mind on Monday.

“This is where it all happens,” said the North Korean leader, stepping into his pre-frontal cortex. “In this dumb, pink room.”

“This queasy, demented nightmare of neutral tones is where I come up with all my best ideas for crimes against humanity,” he continued. “Like where I use starvation as a means of control. Or send tens of thousands of political prisoners to secret camps where they can be tortured. Or remember when I decided to release a list of 28 state-approved haircuts? I came up with that right here!”

“It’s where my sense of antiseptic evil and childish whimsy combine into one truly nauseating playroom of psychosis.”

As the aides nodded nervously and scribbled on their pads, a large jack-in-the-box appeared in the corner and bounced ominously. “Oh, sorry,” said the North Korean leader. “I just conjured that. I was thinking of the romantic evening I have planned with my mother tonight.”