Islam at play: Better marriage through better sex

It has been a few months since The Obedient Wives Club last hit the news.

It was — to be precise — in October, when the organization published an explicit guide to “Islamic sex.”

The book upset so many people the Home Ministry of Malaysia banned it.

But the Club ladies aren’t giving up on spreading their gospel about the proper way to go about marriage.

This time, the Club ladies have launched a campaign titled “The Prophet, Islam’s Sacred Sex Figure,” to commemorate Prophet Muhammad’s birthday on Feb. 5, The Malaysian Insider reports.

Sadly — as great as I think The Obedient Wives Club affiliation would look on my resume — I doubt they would ever grant me membership. My obedience skills are a bit rusty these days. I am, however, fascinated by the organization and their members’ objective: to be the best obedient wife one could aspire to be.

This is done, from what I have gathered, through two things: a) being subservient at all times and b) being sexually available, also at all times.

In their words: a proper wife must behave “like a first-class whore," according to the Malaysian Insider.

Who knew Islamic sex would be so racy?

The campaign, which is scheduled to run for nearly two weeks, urges members to follow The Prophet’s example and avoid sexual sins. 

Never in my life did I think I would be putting the words “Prophet Muhammad’s sex life” into Google, but there’s a first time for everything. And, truth to be told, it’s a highly fascinating reading material.

Most tantalizingly, the club members — most of whom live in polygamous marriages — say the practice of having multiple legal wives helps men avoid adultery.

That, I must admit, is very sly and we should start applying this principle to solve other great challenges of life. For example, if we stopped calling alcohol “alcohol,” we would essentially get rid of alcoholism.