Study commissioned on whether Museveni learned to be a corrupt piece of shit, or was born that way

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A new study has set out to answer the question: Was Ugandan President Yoweri Museveni born a corrupt piece of shit, or did he just become that way? It comes on the heels of new legislation passed by the Ugandan leader, who signed a harsh anti-gay bill into law after consulting with scientists and finding no conclusive evidence on the question of whether homosexuality was a matter of choice or genetics.

“We don’t seek to impose our viewpoints on others” he said as he signed the repressive law, that would further criminalize homosexuality, imposing life sentences on gays and lesbians and also making it a crime to not report someone who you suspect of engaging in homosexual activity. Museveni also this month signed a bill that makes it illegal to dress provocatively and monitors what people look at on the internet.

“Look, you don’t get to be president for 27 years without pulling some psycho bullshit,” Museveni said. It’s statements such as these have caused scientists to wonder, has he always been such a dick? Or was it something he picked up along the way? “Say what you want about rural poverty, lack of infrastructure, or the spread of AIDS,” Museveni said, in response to western criticism. “I just want to persecute the hell out of gays.”

He then flew away in his personal jet.