What a generation can bring

I recently reported a story about Parvati Pujari, a 25-year-old Indian woman from Mumbai, a national level athlete who was the first in her family to escape early marriage and get an education. The fourth of six sisters, she was also the first to go to college. Today she is pursuing a Master’s degree and teaching sports to little girls from poor families.

Her three older sisters weren’t as fortunate. They are among the estimated 43% of Indian women aged 20-24 who are married before 18, even though child marriage is illegal here. Poverty and lack of education are two of the biggest contributors to this practice.

I met Parvati’s oldest sister, Malamma Pujari, who was married off when she was 13.

Malamma didn’t choose her husband. Like most Indians, hers was an “arranged marriage,” which means her parents chose who she’d marry. “You don’t even understand marriage at that age. You see girls getting married in your village, and you see them dressed up so well, and you think, ‘oh getting married will be fun! They’ll dress me up nicely too.’’

The reality of marriage though, was far from fun. Like most Indian brides, she had to move in with her husband’s family in his village, where she was put to work immediately.

“I had to work just like the adult women in the house,” says Malamma. She had to clean the house. She had to cook. She had to walk for miles to collect firewood. “I…slowly began to understand just how hard life is with the in-laws’.”

A couple of years later, her husband and she moved back to Mumbai in search of a better livelihood. They already had one daughter and soon they had a second one. But, her husband couldn’t earn enough money to support the family, she says. She had to sell her gold jewelry to make ends meet. The marriage grew strained and Malamma’s husband became abusive.

When I ask her what he did to her, she glances at her two daughters and sisters. “How to say what he did,” she says. Then she stares down at her own hands in silence. Later, Parvati tells me that Malamma’s husband used to beat her.

I’m not surprised to hear this. The International Center for Research on Women has found that Indian girls married under the age of 18 are more likely to experience domestic violence. This is true around the world. Child marriage also increases the risk for a range of health issues: sexually transmitted diseases, malaria, cervical cancer and ultimately death during or after child birth. There is also the increased risk of mental health problems. Girls in Malamma’s situation end up feeling helpless and depressed.

Malamma was luckier, in that she had the strength to walk away. She took her daughters and moved in to her parents’ home, where she has lived since. She works as a gardener, so she can raise her daughters and contribute to family expenses.

Her biggest regret in life is not being educated. “If only I’d had an education,” says Malamma. “Then I could have had a nice job, I wouldn’t have had to go through what I did.”

But what she didn’t get, she made sure Parvati and their two younger sisters did. Malamma has been the biggest champion for her sisters’ education. When her parents couldn’t go to the parent-teacher meetings at their schools, she showed up instead. Whenever their mother nagged Parvati or the younger sisters to get married, Malamma stood by her sisters’ side.

“I’ve gone through so much,” she tells me. “I don’t want my sisters to have to go through that.”

Parvati and her younger sisters, Bharta and Saraswati now have college degrees and good jobs. But their parents still nag them about getting married. Last year, the youngest sister, Bharta, 21, got engaged to a man her parents picked for her. The sisters tell me that their mother pressured her into agreeing to the marriage. But he is a good man and supportive of me, says Bharta. He agreed to push the wedding so she could finish college. “He is supportive of me having a job once I’m married,” she says.

Parvati also wants a man who is supportive of her own career. “He should also respect women,” she says. But she is not sure if is ready for marriage yet.

Meanwhile she and her younger sisters are making sure that their two nieces, Malamma’s daughters have a chance at a better life. It is now their turn to attend parent-teacher meetings at their niece’s schools and guide them in their studies. The nieces, Sujata, 14 and Sunita, 11, both commute for 4 hours each day to attend school in Mumbai. “One of them wants to become a teacher, the other wants to be an engineer," Parvati tells me proudly.

Malamma and Parvati fought hard against tradition in different ways. Malamma struggled in an abusive marriage, but had the courage to walk out. She is now making sure her sisters and daughters have a better life. Parvati fought hard not to be married off early and get an education instead, something her poor and illiterate parents couldn’t afford to give her. Today she is economically independent, and travels the country and the world for work. Thanks to the hardship faced by these two women, their younger sisters and Malamma’s daughters have better opportunities.

The two younger sisters, Saraswati and Bharta benefited from Parvati’s rebellion and got an education without having to fight for it. Malamma’s daughters also benefited from their mother’s and aunt’s struggles. They don’t have to worry about early marriage. They have the privilege to focus on their education and pursue their dreams.

There is a clear generational difference in choices available to the women and girls in this family. This change is happening in millions of families, not just here in a big city like Mumbai. I know of such stories in small towns and villages too. It is true that millions of girls and women are still married off early and have no say in their own lives. And yet, I see these positive changes only spreading. And I hope that the next generation of girls have better opportunities and the right to decide how they want to live their lives.

When I ask her what he did to her, she glances at her two daughters and sisters. “How to say what he did,” she says. Then she stares down at her own hands in silence. Later, Parvati tells me that Malamma’s husband used to beat her.

I’m not surprised to hear this. The International Center for Research on Women has found that Indian girls married under the age of 18 are more likely to experience domestic violence. This is true around the world. Child marriage also increases the risk for a range of health issues: sexually transmitted diseases, malaria, cervical cancer and ultimately death during or after child birth. There is also the increased risk of mental health problems. Girls in Malamma’s situation end up feeling helpless and depressed.

Malamma was luckier, in that she had the strength to walk away. She took her daughters and moved in to her parents’ home, where she has lived since. She works as a gardener, so she can raise her daughters and contribute to family expenses.

Her biggest regret in life is not being educated. “If only I’d had an education,” says Malamma. “Then I could have had a nice job, I wouldn’t have had to go through what I did.”

But what she didn’t get, she made sure Parvati and their two younger sisters did. Malamma has been the biggest champion for her sisters’ education. When her parents couldn’t go to the parent-teacher meetings at their schools, she showed up instead. Whenever their mother nagged Parvati or the younger sisters to get married, Malamma stood by her sisters’ side.

“I’ve gone through so much,” she tells me. “I don’t want my sisters to have to go through that.”

Parvati and her younger sisters, Bharta and Saraswati now have college degrees and good jobs. But their parents still nag them about getting married. Last year, the youngest sister, Bharta, 21, got engaged to a man her parents picked for her. The sisters tell me that their mother pressured her into agreeing to the marriage. But he is a good man and supportive of me, says Bharta. He agreed to push the wedding so she could finish college. “He is supportive of me having a job once I’m married,” she says.

Parvati also wants a man who is supportive of her own career. “He should also respect women,” she says. But she is not sure if is ready for marriage yet.

Meanwhile she and her younger sisters are making sure that their two nieces, Malamma’s daughters have a chance at a better life. It is now their turn to attend parent-teacher meetings at their niece’s schools and guide them in their studies. The nieces, Sujata, 14 and Sunita, 11, both commute for 4 hours each day to attend school in Mumbai. “One of them wants to become a teacher, the other wants to be an engineer," Parvati tells me proudly.

Malamma and Parvati fought hard against tradition in different ways. Malamma struggled in an abusive marriage, but had the courage to walk out. She is now making sure her sisters and daughters have a better life. Parvati fought hard not to be married off early and get an education instead, something her poor and illiterate parents couldn’t afford to give her. Today she is economically independent, and travels the country and the world for work. Thanks to the hardship faced by these two women, their younger sisters and Malamma’s daughters have better opportunities.

The two younger sisters, Saraswati and Bharta benefited from Parvati’s rebellion and got an education without having to fight for it. Malamma’s daughters also benefited from their mother’s and aunt’s struggles. They don’t have to worry about early marriage. They have the privilege to focus on their education and pursue their dreams.

There is a clear generational difference in choices available to the women and girls in this family. This change is happening in millions of families, not just here in a big city like Mumbai. I know of such stories in small towns and villages too. It is true that millions of girls and women are still married off early and have no say in their own lives. And yet, I see these positive changes only spreading. And I hope that the next generation of girls have better opportunities and the right to decide how they want to live their lives.

With @pritheworld's @marcowerman and @andreacrossan in dharavi in ward 2 of the potters' nagar. From stomping the clay and then shaping it to firing kilns, all happening on the street, all pretty cool. Also – talking to men about masculinity, #vaw and #HerRights

A photo posted by chhavi sachdev (@goldenbrownchhavidazzle) on Sep 11, 2015 at 3:15am PDT

The Across Women's Lives team is back from Mumbai, where they spent two weeks meeting inspirational women and reported on their feats of feminism. With this, and other behind the scenes blogs, we'd like to reflect on the journalism and continue providing you with peeks into the reporting process.

All month we have featured a curated social media digest from the whole team, as well as dispatches from different #HerRights journalists. Today we hear from Rhitu Chatterjee, on air co-host of the Her Rights series.

FOLLOW THE TEAM

Marco Werman | Host, PRI's The World: @MarcoWerman
Rhitu Chatterjee | #HerRights Co-Host: @RhituC
Anne Bailey | Visual Journalist/Digital Producer: @annebaileymedia
Isis Madrid | Social Media Journalist: @isismadrid
Andrea Crossan | Series Show Producer: @AndreaCrossan
Chhavi Sachdev | Fixer: @chhavi