Is a Russian ghost ship full of cannibal rats headed your way?

This is satire, mostly. For more GlobalPost satire, click here.

Last week many news sources asked many versions of this question: "Is a ship full of rats headed your way?" It wasn't. Here’s a short review of the dialogue between the media and its readers.

Is a ship full of rats headed your way?

I hope not?

Is a ship full of rats headed your way?

Well, you’re the news, so, can you tell me?

Is a ship full of rats headed your way?

Maybe you could ask one of your reporters? I mean, is someone on this?

Is a ship full of rats headed your way?

Is a ship full of rats headed your way?

Is a ship full of cannibal rats headed your way?

So now they’re cannibal rats?

Is a ship full of cannibal rats headed your way?

Do you mean, like, me specifically?

Is a Russian ghost ship full of cannibal rats headed your way?

A ghost ship?

Is a Russian ghost ship full of cannibal rats headed your way?

Is this a ride at Disney?

Is a Russian ghost ship full of cannibal rats headed your way?

I have to ask. What are your sources?

Is a Russian ghost ship full of cannibal rats headed your way?

You know you’re on a news website, right?

Is a Russian ghost ship full of cannibal rats headed your way?

And not in the nightmare of a cat?

Is a Russian ghost ship full of cannibal rats headed your way?

Well, I just did a tad of research, and it turns out no one knows where the ship is. None of the coast guards are worried about it. And the thing about the rats was just speculation from one Belgian salvage hunter.

Is a Russian ghost ship full of cannibal rats headed your way?

Is a storm of rattlesnakes headed your way?

Is a Russian ghost ship full of cannibal rats headed your way?

Is a hot air balloon full of alien blood floating over your house?

Is a Russian ghost ship full of cannibal rats headed your way?

Is a bear going through your things?

Is a Russian ghost ship full of cannibal rats headed your way?

Is there a terrifying wooden doll on your pillow?

Is a Russian ghost ship full of cannibal rats headed your way?

Authorities are now saying the ship probably sank.

Oh.

But, you know, thanks for all the good work you do.

You’re welcome.