And the Oscar for Worst Award Show Goes To…

Somehow every year we have amnesia about last year’s Oscars show, anticipating that we’ll be surprised or at least entertained during the broadcast. The fact that the Golden Globes have recently become a delight to watch — thanks largely to Amy Poehler and Tina Fey — and that even the Grammys were amazingly good this year set the bar even higher. Plus the quality and range of movies in 2013 were better than usual.

But we ended up again with wins that were all expected, except Best Picture — we were betting on Gravity, as it seemed to have all the perfect elements for the top Academy Award: beautiful visuals, action, emotion and uplift. How could it not? All that plus some deplorable musical performances (“Somewhere Over the Rainbow” sung schmaltzier than ever? Standing ovation for bland and boring U2? “Wind Beneath My Wings” in 2014??) made us wish we had watched a movie instead.

Kurt Andersen’s Top 5 Oscar 2014 Takeaways:

1. Biggest injustice: The Act of Killing not winning for Best Doc.
2. Saddest thing outside the In Memoriam segment: Kim Novak’s plastic surgery.
3. Only surprise in terms of winners: Her, happily, for Best Original Screenplay.
4. No surprises at all in terms of onstage spontaneity.
5. In every sense one of the blandest, most forgettable Oscars ever.

Complete list of winners:

Best Picture: 12 Years a Slave

Actor: Matthew McConaughey, Dallas Buyers Club

Actress: Cate Blanchett, Blue Jasmine

Supporting Actor: Jared Leto, Dallas Buyers Club

Supporting Actress: Lupita Nyong’o, 12 Years a Slave

Directing: Alfonso Cuaron, Gravity

Foreign Language Film: The Great Beauty (Italy)

Adapted Screenplay: John Ridley, 12 Years a Slave

Original Screenplay: Spike Jonze, Her

Animated Feature Film: Frozen

Production Design: The Great Gatsby

Cinematography: Gravity

Sound Mixing: Gravity

Sound Editing: Gravity

Original Score: Steven Price, Gravity

Original Song: “Let It Go” from Frozen

Costume: The Great Gatsby

Makeup and Hairstyling: Dallas Buyers Club

Animated Short Film: Mr. Hublot

Documentary Feature: 20 Feet from Stardom

Documentary Short Subject: The Lady in Number 6: Music Saved My Life.

Film Editing: Gravity

Live Action Short Film: Helium

Visual Effects: Gravity