The Stench of Honolulu, By Jack Handey: Part 1

“When my friend Don suggested we go on a trip to the South Seas together, and offered to pay for the whole thing, I thought, Fine, but what’s in it for me?”
From a simple male-bonding vacation, two feckless friends hatch a plan to steal a precious piece of cultural patrimony, the Golden Monkey. They will journey for weeks upriver into the jungles of the fictional land of Hawaii, dodging blowdarts, vying for the affections of the beautiful but crabby Leilani, and causing an unending stream of misery to those around them.
The Stench of Honolulu is the first novel by Jack Handey, the creator of Saturday Night Live’s “Deep Thoughts with Jack Handey” and many stories for Studio 360. He read these excerpts exclusively for Studio 360.
In Part 1, Don convinces his friend to join the trip, despite the omens of a hideous old crone. Nothing motivates a man like having a fire lit under him, literally.
Any resemblance to real Pacific islands is purely coincidental.