If Donald Trump were a woman

The Takeaway
Donald Trump

Republican US presidential candidate Donald Trump speaks about the results of the Michigan, Mississippi and other primary elections during a news conference held at his Trump National Golf Club in Jupiter, Florida, March 8, 2016.

Joe Skipper/Reuters

Earlier this week, Donald Trump accused Hillary Clinton of playing “the woman card.”

“If Hillary Clinton were a man, I don’t think she'd get 5 percent of the vote,” he said during a primary night victory speech at Trump Tower.

That got me wondering. What would the Trump life experience and campaign look like if he were a woman? A few thoughts come to mind:

  1. If Trump were a woman, he would have to break the greatest glass ceiling in American politics without being too demanding, loud, unladylike, or smart.

  2. If Trump were a woman, he would be labeled “crazy” and a “bitch” for his aggressive style.

  3. If Trump were a woman, his hair would be criticized even more than it normally is.

  4. Since he’s been married three times, if Trump were a woman, he would be called a “tramp” and “golddigger” by his opponents, and he would never get the Evangelical vote.

  5. If Trump were a woman, he would have to carry mace for protection at his own rallies. He’d also have a one-in-five chance of being raped.

  6. If Trump were a woman and was sexually assaulted and got pregnant, many of his friends in the GOP wouldn’t support his right to have an abortion. Some may even want him punished.

  7. If Trump were a woman, his opponents would blame his many false and inaccurate statements on “blood coming out of wherever,” therefore making him unqualified to serve as commander-in-chief.

  8. Having declared bankruptcy four times, if Trump were a woman, he would be heavily criticized for overspending. Questions would be raised: “Does he shop too much?”

  9. If Trump were a woman he would be in a far greater danger of living in poverty.

  10. If Trump were a woman, he’d be at far greater risk of being killed by one of his ex-spouses.

  11. If Trump were a woman, because of pay inequality, his billion dollars would only be worth $750 million.

  12. Finally, if Trump were a woman, he would be accused of playing the “woman card.”

This blog post is by comedian Jimmy Tingle. Follow him on Twitter: @JimmyTingle.